is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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