Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
