someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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