Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
