I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize