hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's blow job season.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
