just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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