never play flip cup with pint glasses
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
