he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
