i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
