how can u be prego again
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
