in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
