There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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