My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
