We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
