I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
