rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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