Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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