Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
