Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
