If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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