Apparently you make a good broom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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