Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
