cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
