Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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