Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
