im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
