mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
