Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
