Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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