I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
