i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
