i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
