No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
