Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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