I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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