Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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