Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
