And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize