Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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