I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
