Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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