I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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