You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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