Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
