I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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