Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BRING THE BAGELS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize