Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
