THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
