i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
