i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
