I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
