Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
