we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
