I'm lost and stupid without you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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