On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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