and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
im on a boat
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