I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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