It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
