i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
