Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
