He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
