this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
