i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
