I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
