i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
two words: eviction party
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
