Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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