but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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