I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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